“You are going to be a very powerful man.”

“What does that building say?”

“I don’t know…”

“Can you not see it or are you too busy texting?”

“I can’t see it, and I’m kind of tipsy-“

“-and you’re texting. Can you STOP texting for once?! You’re the one who set this up!”

“DAMN IT, JERICO! I’M GETTING TIRED OF YOUR SHIT!”

The three of us, our glorified tripod of friendship, drove cautiously (Angelica was the sober driver) around a dimly lit neighborhood we’ve never visited before with one objective in mind: have our fortunes read by this psychic we found online for Angelica’s birthday. After a couple of minutes of aimless wandering, we find the psychic’s house. Oh yeah, we went to HER place for the fortune reading appointment.

It first started off with tarot card reading. Prior to graduating high school awhile back, a good friend of mine gave me a tarot card reading. It wasn’t a good reading.  After my freshman year of college passed I came back home for the summer, I met back up with my tarot card reading friend to tell her just how the reading was true. It was one hell of an emotional year.

All the times I’ve mentioned being emotional in some sort.

Years pass and I pick up card reading on my own, using traditional playing cards to read fortunes for myself and others. Then this past birthday came and I received a set of travel sized tarot cards from another good friend (Angelica). That’s when tarot reading became a norm for our tripod, reading each others’ fortunes whenever we hung out on the weekends. Then Angelica had her birthday and I had the idea of booking an appointment with an actual psychic.

We’re welcomed into the psychic’s house and individually have our readings done in private. Angelica goes first, so Reiki and I stay back in the living room and watch reruns of Law and Order: Criminal Intent (apparently Jeff Goldblum was the lead actor for awhile). After Angelica’s reading, I go into the backroom for mine.

I bet you didn’t know he was on television…no, you’re lying.

I take a seat and the psychic (Sonia) starts shuffling her cards, asking me to cut the pile and to make separate piles accordingly. She starts drawing the cards and the illustrations illicit curiosity within me; illustrations of colors in varying patterns. That’s when she states that I’m not from San Antonio.

“No, I’m not from here.”

“They’re telling me you traveled here and…you’re not happy here.”

Oh shit.

“You’re not happy here…and you’ve been pushed, or contemplated leaving.”

Uh huh.

“But they’re saying…to stay. You have to stay because…you’re learning; you’re going through a growing process and it involves the emotional stress and pain you’re going through.”

Hah…well then.

The reading continues and she touches on how it’s been an emotional roller coaster ride for me since coming to San Antonio. After explaining how the “emotional journey” has been necessary, that’s when she says,

You are going to be a very powerful man.

Wow. Really? Really? That’s what the guides, the spirits? That’s what they’re saying?

Really? The hipster vest wearing idiot spilling the wine in this picture? He’s gonna be powerful?!

I was speechless. I was in awe. She had me hooked. She considered herself to be a rather powerful person, but in comparison to what I was going to become, she was a “small fry.”

I’ve never been the best at believing in myself, but I’ve always been damn sure of what I want to do with my life. It’s a pipe dream; a long stretch; crazy but it’s what I want to do. Ever since realizing the dream, I’ve been so hell bent on leaving behind a legacy. Others say they believe in me; only a few actually do, and I feel it.

The next big thing (two conjoined) that she touched on was loving myself and others. She mentioned how I needed to put myself on a pedestal. Throughout my life, I’ve always put others before me just for the sake of doing good to others. But as soon as she finished that reading, a confused look grew upon her face.

“Despite that…they’re also saying to continue loving. Don’t stop loving the way you love.”

She explained how, despite how I needed to put myself on a pedestal, I had to continue loving the way I do because that is what makes me who I am; that is what keeps me sane. It’s how I’m programmed to function. I couldn’t help but tear up a little because I’ve always felt conflicted on the subject. Conflicted because I didn’t think I was capable of loving myself as consistently as I love others and act upon that love.

“And now that has to go both ways. Meaning, don’t deny whatever love comes your way. You don’t get to decide where that love comes from. Just accept love wherever it may find you.”

“FOUND YOU! NOW DEAL WITH IT!”

…heh. We don’t get to decide where love comes from…that’s true, attested by the past years. After spending so much time fighting with myself on where love should come from, who it should come from… It made life feel a little simpler hearing how we don’t get to decide where love comes from. It just mattered that we accepted it or not, and for my own sake, I should always accept it, especially as one that constantly gives.

I don’t know if it correlates or not, but in some weird abstract way, it makes sense to me that I’m selfish about where love comes from. Maybe because, to make up for the lack of love for one’s self, we work more to love others and to show that love, like a textbook display of insecurity. And through that we seek validation in the way we give of ourselves to others. But as soon as loves comes our way – especially from a source we don’t want – we shut down. We romanticize this scenario of where love should come from when we should just be happy with the love that we already have and receive.

Sonia mentioned numerous informative things during the reading, but it was the last reading that tied it all together.

“They’re saying…that you’re going through a catalytic moment right now. That this whole experience has been an extreme awakening of the mind and soul.

Hell yeah I was going through a catalytic moment. Everything that’s been on my mind and kept me up at night, all the feelings that I’ve been feeling up to that very point, it’s all been touched on and mentioned by this complete stranger…and somehow I found comfort in that. Somehow, because all of this came from a complete stranger, it made me believe it even more. The funny thing was that everything she mentioned to me, I already knew to some extent. They were already things that I believed in or preached or strive to live by…yet it made an even deeper impact all because it came from a psychic I found online just the day before.

This is Sonia’s website. I highly recommend anyone interested in psychic readings to get in contact with her for a truly enlightening experience!

I find myself wanting to continue writing, but I don’t know what else to say. I feel like I’ve exhausted all that I could with the whole experience. If there’s anything I could leave you with, it’s to love yourself and to accept love wherever it finds you.

Non-Conforming Joe and the Band Wagon Mechanics

I want to get there on my own terms.

That’s what I want to do. That’s what I believe in. And I don’t ever want to compromise who I am and what I want to represent.

This idea came to me during a meeting with my new “creative collective” project Black Matte Blend. That’s where most of my time is spent lately, so sorry I’ve neglected you for so long, blogosphere.

Because, naturally, I was going to plug Black Matte Blend after mentioning Black Matte Blend.

The reason why the topic of following trending and mainstream topics was because we talked about incresing our views over at Black Matte Blend. We would write sketches about the “fappening” debacle, do our own ALS Ice Bucket Challenge video, or cover any other trending fad right now, all in the name of getting more views.

All of this is considered “staying relevant.” It’s key to staying afloat and, well, relevant in the entertainment and media world. It makes it easier for the audience to take interest in you and for keeping their interest. They’re interested because whatever trend has caught their interest is the topic of discussion for everyone. It’s the bandwagon, and everyone is jumping on it. No one dares to get left behind, because that spells a decrease in views and interest and then poof, you’re gone and completely irrelevant (unless you announce your animal character was in fact a little girl the whole time).

Meo-I mean, hi.

Here’s my problem with all of that…

I don’t like it.

Why don’t you like it, Jerico?!

I don’t like it because…well, cause it’s dumb. Because everyone else is doing it, and it’s annoying.

You just sound like a bitter elitist hipster type.

Bite me.

In all seriousness, I don’t like it because why do that…when you could be the trend setter? Why do that, when you could be the one that leads the conversation, the discussion, the talk of this and that? Why do that…when you could be one that everyone is talking about?

Now, one would be quick to argue “that’s hard, Jerico!” And to that I say, “Shut up.”

I’m kidding. Not really. But in today’s world of instant access and travel of information, it’s all too common to choose the easy way of staying relevant. There’s no room for creativity and it all contributes to the constant rehash of information. When you choose to stay relevant, in my opinion, you kill almost any opportunity for thinking outside of the box. And as a person who likes to consider himself as the creative type, I appreciate ideas and concepts that are out of the norm. Sure, you can “make changes” or “do your own take” on those ideas, but that still decreases the room for creativity.

Like, this much room for creativity…so there’s actually decent space. So jk.

Now do I take interest in irrelevant topics solely because they’re irrelevant? Maybe…which, yes, that sounds like a horrible belief to hold onto, disregarding the true depth and worth of those ideas because of their “fad like” nature. But having that initial thought process USUALLY drives me to ponder more about that idea or concept, allowing me to have a better sense of judgement.

But what about trending ideas that, at their core, are ideas with genuine worth?

Then those ideas, to me, are examples of “here’s why we can’t have nice things.” What I mean by that is…whenever something nice, something fun comes along, it gets killed by overexposure. So in a way, I prefer exclusivness over inclusivness…which goes against my belief in overall inclusiveness. Oh the things you learn about yourself when writing articles of this nature. It’s like I support inclusiveness…but I’ll support it from a distance. I can be a little contradicting, I know, but I guess that’s what makes me human. So you can abandon any idea of me being self-righteous.

Someone called me self-righteous once…the truth about me is that I absolutely do not care about being right. What I care about is WHAT IS RIGHT.

To get back on track…

Breaking Bad was a phenomenal series. It has a strong cult following and to this day, still remains as a relevant topic. Now I’ll admit, I didn’t get into the series initially because of the hype surrounding it. Even when I did start the series, I was still reluctant. But after starting the second season, I was hooked. I was fully engaged and invested in the stories and its characters.

Breaking Bad is a good example of something with both commercial and critical success; an idea/concept that has hype AND creative integrity. And it’s because of that example, I’d rather aim higher than everyone else. Sure, there’s a higher fail rate, but when you do get that hit…boy will it feel good. So within this context, I’m more invested in the means rather than the end. And with that sort of investment in the means, in my opinion, that investment changes the ends, hopefully, for the better.

Is this an uphill battle? An upstream fight? A pointless effort?

Yes, yes, and no. Pointless? No. Because a river doesn’t cut through a rock with power; it cuts through with persistence. So to summarize it all…I want to WILL make it on my own terms.

Preach.